Blog is dead. Long live blog!

Rather than grumbling in public, bitching to my friends and family, or tossing off hilarious yet subtle gems of incomparable wit to acquaintances at suave cocktail parties, I thought I’d start a blog of random noise, bits and stuff. I thought I was the last person in America to start a blog, but alas, there is an 80-year-old caribou herder on Alaska’s Adak Island that has yet to submit to self-indulgent scribbling aimed at no one in particular.

We serious authors have a duty to uphold the highest standards of literary quality and pretention. As such, I promise to adhere to the following guidelines:

1) no photos of food
2) no (extraneous) photos of cats
3) no selfies (this is a new addition to the Oxford dictionary, so look it up if you don’t know what it means; and no, it’s not a sexual reference)

The following, however, are permissible and likely frequent:

1) grumbling, bitching, and tossing off hilarious yet subtle gems of incomparable wit
2) profanity, provided it is central to the meaning and effectiveness of the post.
* Central: The Westboro Baptist Church had a sign that read, “God damn literate Americans.”
* Not so much: Who’s baking the Goddamn gluten-free vegan pot brownies? (hello Seattle).

About me: I love Serbian music, ridiculous socks, free wifi, and wearing fleece in summer (hello again Seattle). Things I only tolerate because I’m quasi-Buddhist and we’re supposed to be nice to everyone: local coffeehouse baristas with “Velcro strip” goatees, people who say “a whole nother,” and overly polite people who hold the Goddamn door open for me while I’m still 20 feet away. And yes, that was central to the effectiveness of the post.

You can also check out my Vietnam and (unfinished) Malaysian travel blog at http://bapeabroad.wordpress.com.

<– end transmission –>

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